And again.

Was complaining to my brother and Cousin on Saturday noon about how bad I treated my boyfriend and etc. Left eyes twitched all of a sudden and there came a phone call. Dad called me to ask if I'm still contacting him, which obviously I am. But as usual, I came up with a lie saying I didn't meet him at all, and we're just friends. No doubt, he didn't gave a second chance and demanded me to stop contacting him. Duh, like wtf. I can't and I won't be able to do it. :( I love him, and I can sense the affinity I have with him. I can't let go of him at all, I need him and I want him if possible rest of my life.

Nobody understand what I want, they just judge and judge. What for? Do you even know how much the both of us had gone through tgt? Anybody know how many times we cried and laugh for love? No. No one except us. Judge us only if both you and your other half cannot live without each other, and treat them like your world. We can complain to our fellow friends how bad the other party treat us and quarrel all the time, yet we still love each other deeply. And then, people start judging and giving remarks again. Mostly and sadly, negatives. Only a few.. But I won't mind cause it won't affect me. At all.

Seriously. Who's boyfriend decided to take a car license to drive you around? He pushed aside his bike license, he know I won't travel on bikes. He took a car. Who's boyfriend takecare of you all the time when you're sick and accompany you to the doctor? Who's boyfriend sent you home every night despite how tired, how sick, how uncomfortable he's feeling? Who's boyfriend buy you breakfast the day before cause he know he has to book in at night and worries you'll be hungry? There's hell lots more. I won't list down everything that's kept in my heart all the time. He can't give me lots of money, lots of things. But do this even matter when you really love someone? Nope. I know currently he can't, maybe future he might be able to have the abilities to do so? Why not give him a chance to prove that to me? Why?


I know what I'm doing, I'm not immature. I know what I want, I know it isn't right to lie to your parents. You mean nobody lies to their parents before? I lie for my happiness. I don't wna regret if I give up for my happiness. You may say I'm selfish, but who don't? I think of myself and I don't think about my parent's feeling? Sorry you're wrong. I think of their feelings so I lie from the beginning. I didn't wna let them know about this because I know they'll just object to whatever explaination I'm giving. This is so unfair. Why not I lie to give myself a chance to be with him? Lie to make sure I make him change for the better till I'm ready to bring him home? I know if I don't lie and they find out from the beginning, things will still go on and I won't care. At least I kept them in the dark, they're not that disappointed for the amount of time I spent, amount of time I am with him. Now that they knew, I'm not afraid if we're forced to be seperated. At least. I managed to have so much happiness, love and care given from him to me. I am satisfied.

Yet still. I will hold on to any chances now. I'm gna be greedy and selfish. I won't let go such guy who treats me like his everything. I swear no other past boyfriends treat me the same as he do. They don't take me for granted and treat me like any other soft toys they like for a moment and change for another one when they get bored of it. I'm sorry. But. I won't ruin my happiness. I know he'll keep to his promise and change for not only me, but himself. I am willing to waste any youths to be with him, he made me do so. He showed me what is love.

Letting go is probably the last resort I'm giving.